Funny Kikuyu jokes in Kenya: Description of a Kikuyu

May we dwell in Unity, Peace and Liberty here in Kenya during the election year 2017 so that plenty may be found within our borders.

Funny Kikuyu jokes in Kenya: Description of a Kikuyu

  1. Doesn’t understand why everybody doesn’t speak gikuyu and is disappointed. They can’t stand hearing one speak loudly to his friend (on the phone, in hospital, in the Indian Ocean)…
  2. Doesn’t buy Mercedes, he buys ka-plot.
  3. A kikuyu doesn’t do romance, it costs mbecha.
  4. Go to the bar without a godfather kofia
  5. Funny Kikuyu jokes in Kenya: Description of a Kikuyu
    Funny Kikuyu jokes in Kenya: Description of a Kikuyu

    Does not know how to cook pilau…his idea of pilau is cooking rice and then putting yellowish colouring (pilau njeri/mwitu!)

  6. Don’t know how to cook food without cabbages
  7. You cannot be one and not own a pick up… how now! This is for those weekend trips to see an eighth of an acre plot in Isinya. The plot has nothing but dreams of how he will sell it twice the value in a years time!… Oh and the poor wife has to sit in the back coz the guy has to pick his cousin to go show him a piece of dry grass….
  8. Does not walk side by side with the wife, the poor woman trots along at a distance behind
  9. Doesn’t Need more than one pair of socks and underwear!
  10. Cannot say “Santa’s short suit shrunk” …
  11. Doesn’t Give consideration for a urinal or toilet. Usually constructs with leftovers from a main building.
  12. You ask him why the Urinal is dirty and he says the place is for dumping human waste and dump sites are never kept clean.
  13. … does not enjoy his meat if the place is not smoky and dark even at 1pm!
  14. ….Doesn’t introduce his family by names…. they are introduced in wholesale “aya ni andu akwa”. (MY FAVOURITE) and men introduce their spouses as “uyu niwe mama wa gwakwa” – Or “Uyu niwe nyina wa ciana”
  15. Funny Kikuyu jokes in Kenya: Description of a Kikuyu
    Funny Kikuyu jokes in Kenya: Description of a Kikuyu

    Does not live in Buruburu/south B, Kileleshwa or lavington….. he is a landlord there. He lives in Komarock /Rongai /Kiambu

  16. Can’t admit that he is raking in tonnes of cash…he answers – “tunajaribu tu” to the question of how well business is doing.
  17. he’d rather live in a house that’s still under construction than pay rent
  18. Does not use funky names for his business. Njugunas, Gicheris, Kamaus, Wa Mwangi, Wa Peter, Waitherero, etc will do just fine. A version involving his names and spouses will be fine as well; Muthokam Enterprises (Muthoni-Kamau), Jokabi Butchery (John-Nyokabi).

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