You know you’re getting older when

“I just can’t drink the way I used to”, replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
A ‘late night’ now ends at 11 pm.
All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
You know you’re getting older when
An “all nighter” means not getting up to pee!
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereals.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into “dueling ailments.”
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.
Happy hour is a nap.
Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
It’s tougher to lose weight, because over time your body and your fat are really good friends.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
People call at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
You know you’re getting older when
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
The candles cost more than the cake.
The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
The clothes you’ve put away until they come back in style… have come back in style.
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
The girls at the office start confiding in you.
The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
The waiter asks how you’d like your steak…and you say “pureed”.
There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
You answer a question with “Because I said so!”
You are no longer ‘promising’.
You are proud of your lawn mower.
You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”
You burn the midnight oil till 9PM.
You buy trousers with the waist size larger than the length.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
You can remember when a stop sign meant STOP!
You carry an umbrella.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You know you’re getting older when
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You discover the words, “whippersnapper”, “scalawag” and “by-cracks” creeping into your vocabulary.
You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.
You don’t get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar.
You don’t remember being absent minded.
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
You feel like the morning after when you haven’t been anywhere the night before.
You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
You find this list tasteless and insensitive.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You find yourself standing in line and can’t remember why.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don’t feel good.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.
You have to stop jogging for your health because your thighs rubbing together start your panty hose on fire.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You know you’re getting older when
You hold all reading material at arms length just to read it.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
You keep repeating yourself.
You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You know what the word equity means.
You learn where your prostate is.
You look both ways before crossing a room.
You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You no longer get winded running long distance, you get winded just DIALING long distance.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You know you’re getting older when

More stories related to You know you’re getting older when

Share this: