A few laughs for you in Kenya

“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

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I should just change my voice mail greeting to : “Please hang up and text me”.

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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

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The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

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I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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The road to success is always under construction

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If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

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