How Kenyan Are you? It is Only Kenyans who do this

1. Are engaged for 5 years or more

2. Never bother to divorce, they just separate

3. Are late to church, work, and everything else EXCEPT when the disco is free before 9pm

4. Refer to diabetes as ‘SUGAR’

5. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties with a new outfit on with nails and hair done but no gift

How Kenyan Are you? It is Only Kenyans who do this

6. In relation to #5, they eat like parking boys and take a plate home

7. Consider ‘clubbing’ or ‘henging’ as a monthly expense

8. Leave bills (instead of insurance money) behind for surviving relatives.

9. Borrow money for a wedding.

10. Have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE e.g. “Lord, give me strength because I’m about to knock the hell out of this child”

11. Spend the car insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.

12. Invite co-workers and all of their friends to their child’s 1st birthday party which happens to have a professional DJ with only about 3 kids (including the child) in attendance. And then expect the guests to “changa” for the bash.

13. Start every sentence with “Me I…” e.g. “ME I donno why you are saying that I always say ‘Me I’.

14. Say ‘Spend’ when they are staying the night elsewhere from home, e.g. “Are you going to spend at her place?”

15. Put in iron rods in all windows and main doors…referring to them as ”Burglar proof”

16. Use “Ngai” as an exclamation mark e.g. ” Ngai, what are you doing?”

17. Believe “Ati” is an English word for “What?”

18. Think it is cool to drink and drive and get away with it “I don’t know how I got home that day. The way I was soo drunk!”

19. Think all their economic and social problems are caused by “Moi” or “Kibaki” when in fact some have never been to school.

20. Pack up all their earthly goods to go to “shaggs” for a week in December, only to pack them all back again after that one week and return to “Tao”

21. Call travelling “flying out” e.g. She flew out (no one ever seems to wonder where all these Kenyans fly to)

22. Think that taking a clerical job in a company is better and “cooler” than toiling in their parents’ family business.

23. Prefer washing cars and dishes in USA to toiling in their 20-acre tea farms in Kenya .

24. Call their homes “at ours”. e.g., “At ours, we eat Githeri every day”

25. Complain for five years about poor governance and corruption then vote in the same clowns back to parliament.

26. Have a Chief Justice who has no law degree!

27. Go on strike for one day and expect the govt. to resign!

28. Sit back in their homes and expect their MP to “bring Development”

29. Refuse to insure against anything and expect you to bankroll them when calamity strikes… thro’ Harambee

30. Sit calmly and sometimes cheer as a mad man drives them in a ramshackle (MATATUS) at breakneck speed to certain death.

31. Drive with their windows wound up when they get to city centre because of 4-year-old brats armed with human shit, and still claim to be free people!

Sounds so true, eh? I hope you are still Kenyan by All standards! Me, Iam Kenyan Damu, but do I say!!

Najivunia kuwa mKenya.

How Kenyan Are you? It is Only Kenyans who do this

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